On Saturday Afternoons In 1963

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Thriller

Pardon the tasteless title of this entry as I could not find a song name to match the article’s content. Without further ado, here’s my early Halloween treat for all of you.

The Child

Granddad AB had been complaining that someone (or something) is pulling his legs and his linen every night when he was still confined in a specialty coronary unit. He is hearing voices of children, seeing young children playing with the controls of his bed, and is said to be choking him every midnight.

Explanation:

ICU Psychosis, defined as a temporary state of confusion among confined patients due to prolonged isolation, usually leading to complaints of imaginary hallucinations and delusions.

Caveat:

The attending physician decided to transfer him to another room. Right at the hallway, he exclaimed that a child was on top of him, another one was pulling on his legs, and the other one was choking him. He went into a heart attack to which the cause could not be attributed to any reason, but he was revived after.

The Head

The Left Wing Elevator was initially reserved to service cadaver gurneys and to deliver dead patients to the morgue. However, it had been under renovation for quite some time now, and the only elevator servicing the Charity Division was located at the Right Wing.

Explanation:

It was said that the elevator malfunctions because of mechanical glitches. It was renovated twice during the past 5 years, and had been operational occasionally (one month tops). The author was able to ride it once, despite the multitude of grim stories that was said to cloud that elevator.

Caveat:

It was said that the past elevator lady who used to service that elevator got trapped at the basement where the hospital morgue is located. The keys malfunctioned. She supposedly saw dead patients in shrouds walking towards her, the guards at the upper floor heard her screaming, and when the elevator was opened, they saw the elevator lady.
.
.
decapitated.

The elevator is still “under renovation” as of this moment.

The Woman

Suite 4 of the OR is notorious for the surgical cases usually booked in the morning. At night however, the staff has been hearing incessant beeping of cardiac monitors and swooshing of anesthesia machines. Every time the nurses commence with their graveyard shift rounds, the sound miraculously disappears, only to return when they were away.

Reason:

Malfunctioning cardiac monitors and anesthesia machines. General services tried to replace the monitors as documented in their office logbook.

Caveat:

One time the charge nurse made her rounds, the cardiac monitor suddenly went on. It shows an ECG tracing similar to a healthy, alive adult. The anesthesia machine went on, and the bulb inflated and deflated as if someone was breathing through the tubes. When she moved the monitors away, she saw something standing behind the machines.

A woman clad in hospital gown, the face decomposing, looking at her. She saw one of her legs amputated, her blood dripping all over the floor, the other leg floating in midair.
.
.
Just like the one standing right behind you.

GOTCHA!!

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Images from royalarmouries.org, stockphoto and mattkirsch.wordpress.com.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

1611 was the year when this certain university was founded. Three and a half centuries after, in 1946, the premiere hospital was established. At present, the hospital is comprised of three main wings --- the Medical Arts, the Clinical Division (Charity Ward), and the Pay Division.

The hospital building was primarily used as an interment camp during the Second World War. When the Third Philippine Republic was created, the building was then converted into an infirmary for the wounded soldiers. Decades after, the hospital, though still operational, still holds some brutal memories of the past --- lurking along the lonely hospital halls.


A hospital. Image from The Hospital's website.

Charity Division, Third Floor, Male Surgical Ward, Room 311.

The room was deserted because necessary renovation of the ward comfort room was still unfinished. He was the nurse-in-charge and as a part of the night shift inventory, he decided to proceed with the customary night-shift ward rounds. He took his phone with him as he was doing the rounds, and visited each room one-by-one.

First in 301, then to 303, up until 309 where all the patients are either sleeping or having chats with their fellow surgical wardmates. At the corner of the building was room 311 --- adjacent to it was St. Blaise Ward that caters to Head and Neck Surgery patients. He took his phone inside the room and in his least unexpected moment, something was captured on his mobile phone video camera.



Halloween came early for him this year.

Who/what is that image in 00:29 (or 00:04 if reversed) frame of the clip? Your guess is as good as mine.

Some Good Things Never Last

I just finished watching the debut episode (A Change Is Gonna Come) of the 4th Season of Grey’s Anatomy… and it was sooooo good!

Saying that this episode is spectacular is an understatement. It was like I’m seeing too much of a good thing it’s almost illegal. I know that downloading shows over the Net is unlawful but for the love of everything-Meredith-Grey-related, I do not have the patience of Job. Impulse control is not even included in my vocabulary.

"Change; we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes change is everything."

*



I was at the Philippine Nursing Expo over the weekends (hence, the busy part) and seriously, aside from too much promotional crap, the expo was the epitome of organizing gone awry. From the scheduling of the programs, to the choice of the venue, the conference was indisputably a one-man-show. It was still good, though.

*

Besides, a trip to the Megamall wouldn’t be complete without the compulsory visit to the “house that calories built.”

Krispy Kreme.

I couldn’t decide as to whether I should buy a dozen of Original Glazed Doughnuts or the Assorted Ones, so I bought a Double Dozen.

And lookie lookie! They even have the UAAP Men’s Basketball Final Four Doughnuts! Of course, I bought the UST Growling Tigers (the one with the yellow candy sprinkle).



I’m telling you guys, Krispy Kreme is evil, evil, evil! I have researched the caloric contents of their doughnut varieties and darn, on the average, each doughnut contains 300 calories in it (from 200 for the Original Glazed upto 350 for my personal favorite, Chocolate Iced Kreme Filled) which is almost equivalent to 1 and a half cup of rice or this. Moreover, through-the-roof amounts of trans-fats, cholesterol, sugars and saturated fats in a single dozen-box would be enough to fuel a furnace or operate a locomotive and I’m not even kidding.

My family is addicted to those deliciously sinful confectioners despite the fact that my mom is a diabetic and my dad has a heart disease. Using both of their genotypes to predict my phenotypic characteristics, I definitely am destined to suffer an early, untimely, catastrophic, tragic death. From obesity, bulimia or Prader-Willi syndrome, you take your pick.

If my neurons aren’t working well right now, it’s probably because I’m devouring on too much calories from the remaining pieces of doughnuts and my brain cells are essentially dehydrated from them too much glucose. And I’m telling you, I. JUST. CAN’T. STOP. EATING. THEM.

I’m getting an unlimited season’s pass to Bulimics Anonymous immediately after I publish this entry.

I know. This too shall pass.

What are your guilty pleasures?

Littlest Things

I was rummaging through some of my stuffs and came upon these short interesting anecdotes about some ex-patients. Between the existential me and the phenomenological you, there’s a little lesson that we can extract in these chronicles though, and I hope you’ll find them useful whenever you eat a certain fruit, deal with pesky insects, or have your private, sexy times. Ready? Read on.



The Seed
Grandpa’s Fetish Goes Awry

An 86-year-old male consulted the ER because of gastrointestinal distress. He had several episodes of vomiting fecaloid material accompanied by lower abdominal pains. An admitting diagnosis of non-specific gastroenterocolitis (inflammation of stomach and intestines) was made and he was suspected to have intestinal obstruction.

Upon further history taking, the client admitted of having the fondness of ingesting seeds (particularly santol seeds), upon which his relatives suspect for the client’s inability to pass stools. Colonoscopy was done and showed intestinal obstruction with necrosis (death) of intestinal mucosa. Results also show a characteristic metaplasia of the mucosa, confirmatory of a Colon Cancer.

The Mosquito
Bite Me

A 17-year-old female comes from a family of beauty queens. She joined Miss Puerto Princesa 2006 and was the incumbent titleholder. The day after the pageant, she experienced febrile convulsions, passage of black urine, and uncontrollable chills.

She was admitted at a local hospital but her condition worsened. She became unresponsive, comatose, and was hooked to mechanical ventilator. She was then transferred to our institution for further management and evaluation.

She was confined in the ICU with a diagnosis of Cerebral Malaria vs. Viral Encephalopathy, Status Epilepticus (uncontrolled seizures), Atypical Complicated Pneumonia, Kidney Failure and Fulminant Sepsis (widespread blood infection). She was on ventilator for 6 months… and counting.

The Prince Albert
In or Out, Is It In or Out?

A 28-year-old married female consulted the ER because of vaginal spotting, accompanied by local swelling, tenderness and discharge at the pelvic region.

Further history taking revealed that her partner used to have a “Prince Albert” (Link NSFW) type of penile piercing, which was later found to be missing after sexual intercourse.

*

Case#1 fought like hell to combat cancer but succumbed a few years later. Case#2 was transferred to another institution as their bill reached almost PhP 6 Million ($130,000). Case#3 was discharged in good condition, and has learned her lessons the hard way.

The hospital will definitely sue me once the admin gets to read this entry. If that case happens, I would like to take this opportunity to thank each of you for relentlessly supporting Unbearable Lightness.

Turn Back Time

One week has passed and despite the weather condition returning to normal, having my DSL services restored to its bliss-like grandeur is still eternities-away. But don’t fret. This catastrophe, indeed, has a therapeutic purpose. It made me cherish long waits, appreciate how webcams and eyeball addicts in a computer shop have become inseparable entities, and taught me that patience, undeniably, is a virtue.

This post will be about: a Music Meme (which I incredibly enjoyed), my take on an Emmy nomination for a Filipino show (a first in Philippine programming), and why Bandila holds such precious memories in my heart.

Music Meme

Immediately after I’ve read this post from Saisho, I quickly turned my iPod on, and tried this meme faster than a man with premature ejaculation could even reach his climax.

The RULES couldn’t be any simpler:
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc on SHUFFLE Mode,
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer, and
3. YOU MUST WRITE DOWN THAT SONG NAME NO MATTER HOW GAY IT SOUNDS.

But I added a personal twist, I listed down both (1) what song played and (2) what would be my ideal answer. This is fun! Ready? Ready!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
iPod: Midnight Coward (Stars)
Me: From The Bottom of My Broken Heart (Britney Spears)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
iPod: Pretty Baby (Vanessa Carlton) =)
Me: Better Man (Robbie Williams)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
iPod: Making Love Out of Nothing At All (Air Supply)
Me: Live and Learn (The Cardigans)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
iPod: Makulay Ang Buhay Sa Sinabawang Gulay (Tres Lukring Kids)
(Rough Translation: Life Is Colorful If Your Veggies Are Wet or whatever...)
Me: Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own (U2)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
iPod: Beautiful (Christina Aguilera)
Me: No One Else Comes Close (Joe)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF OFTEN?
iPod: The One (Shakira)
Me: The Sweetest Days (Vanessa Williams)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR ENEMY?
iPod: Reflection (Christina Aguilera) shoot!!!
Me: DIE Another Day (Madonna)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
iPod: Irreplaceable (B Boy Truth)
Me: Power of Two (Indigo Girls)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
iPod: Little Wonders (Rob Thomas)
Me: That's What Friends Are For (Dionne Warwick, Stevie Wonder, Elton John and Beverley Craven) love you all my bestie's!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE ONE YOU LOVE?
iPod: Nothing in this world (Paris Hilton)
Me: By Your Side (Sade)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
iPod: On Bended Knees (Boyz II Men) - This can't be serious?!
Me: Go The Distance (Michael Bolton)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?
iPod: Somewhere Over The Rainbow (Jewel)
Me: The World's Greatest (R. Kelly)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
iPod: On Bended Knees (Boyz II Men) Just kidding.
iPod: When You Tell Me That You Love Me (Diana Ross)
Me: God Bless The Broken Road (Rascal Flatts)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
iPod: Africa (Toto)
Me: Dance With My Father (Luther Vandross/Celine Dion)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL
iPod: La Isla Bonita (Madonna)
Me: Angels (Robbie Williams) or Gone Too Soon (Michael Jackson)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
iPod: Umbrella (Rihanna ft. Jay-Z and Chris Brown)
Me: On Bended Knees (Boyz II Men) again. =) kidding.
Me: Try It On My Own (Whitney Houston)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
iPod: Gasolina (Daddy Yankee)
Me: Alone (Heart)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
iPod: I Hate Everyone (Get Set Go)
Me: There's No Easy Way to Break Somebody's Heart (James Ingram)

It’s fun isn’t it? Try this one. Feel free to tag yourself.

*

Emmy Nominates “Bandila”

ABS-CBN late night newscast “Bandila” (Banner/Flag) earned the Philippines’ first-ever Emmy Award nomination for its report on the promulgation of the Subic rape case last year. The US International Academy of Television Arts and Sciences picked the “Bandila” report over 800 nominations from around the world together with seven other finalists from the United Kingdom, Brazil, Romania, China, and Russia vying for the news and current affairs category for the International Emmy Awards (Source).



TV Patrol World, ABS-CBN flagship news and current affair show, made it to the top 8 but failed to pass through to the final screening. This nomination will be another good reason to watch the Emmy’s this September. Bandila's nomination is not only a testament of the Filipino's high standard of media excellence, but is moreso a source of national pride--"sa ngalan ng bayan, sa ilalim ng nag-iisang Bandila."

Bandila and My Life Memories

I hold such fond memories of Bandila. When the Nurse’s Licensure controversy last June 2006 was in its impetus, Bandila, specifically the reporter Apples Jalandoni, was the first News/Current Affairs entity to contact me personally for a professional advice and personal opinion. I prophesized with certainty that if a retake is not to be implemented, serious global repercussions about Filipino nurses will ensue. After the show aired, I received contradicting reactions from various bodies including the academe, the student bodies, some government officials and laypersons alike.



My advocacy to have an immediate Board retake failed and I was scorned by many. But to quote President Arroyo, it is, indeed, better to be right than to be popular. I hid from the public for a while, refused a number of media exposure, and lived a normal, decent life. It was only early this year that my cause came into fruition and my detractors finally get a dose of their own medicine as the CGFNS (a regulatory commission for foreign nurses planning to work abroad) demanded the much talked-about retake.

After too much wasted time, and more waiting for this year’s boards, I feel like I have become a part of Philippine Nursing history, albeit a trivial or a mundane one. But then again, maybe that’s just me.

*

P. S. My personal appreciations to Niki’s Blogspotting for the sweet words “I've always admired those people who can write so honestly, without fear of standing naked to the universe…,” Richard for featuring Unbearable Lightness, and KC for the triflex gloves. Complete list of Emmy nominees here and here.

Tell Me Where It Hurts

A seven-year-old girl was rushed by her mom to the Emergency Room of a known tertiary hospital because of episodic abdominal pains. After the initial diagnostic work-up of the attending physician, a bowel cleansing prior to a radiographic procedure was deemed necessary. A Fleet enema was ordered, to which Sitti (not her real name), the nurse-on-duty, carried out.



The child, lying on the hospital bed, was placed in Sim’s position. Sitti inserted the enema nozzle in a dreadfully wrong opening. Instead of the child pooing, the child bled profusely.


Fleet enema (Image from Lippincott Williams and Wilkins Supplemental Site)

When the pediatrician arrived, the enema nozzle had just been removed, the pediatrician inspected the child’s perineum, and yup, the hymen had just been accidentally torn and was beyond repair. To make the matters worse, the child’s mother happens to be a pediatrician as well.

It was unknown as to whether the hospital administration offered an out-of-the-court settlement or a legal case was filed.



Aside from the insta-rape incident and a newly formed carunculae mrytiformes, the innocent child was likewise guaranteed with a broken childhood and traumatizing emotional scar. While the brainless nurse is still roaming the hospital halls, planning to victimize new patients with her new uber-ludicrous tricks on hand.

Thank heavens, I'm not the pediatrician mom. Or else...

*

A practical/legal opinion would be helpful. Images from Flickr, links direct to either Wikipedia or Lippincott Online.

The Scientist

I have a thing for chain mails. Like pubic lice, syphilis and ex-boyfriends, they come and leave, and simply won’t go away. No matter how much you trash, scrap or delete them, it’s as if, by some karmic reincarnation, they do come back, bigger, brighter, nastier, and much more believable than ever. The gullible/innocent/innocuous reader, in order to shun away death of a family member, love tragedies, certain disease unbeknownst to many, and bad luck, is then forced against his/her will to click the forward button, hence, the cyclic metamorphosis.

Reading some of them could be helpful, but most of them are traumatizing at times. There was a time when all I ate was orchid soup because a mail said that rice, shrimp, fish, meat, fastfood burgers, noodles, barbecue, soda, and water could kill you without you knowing it.

In line of my Unbearable Lightness, I have listed some chain mail myths in this post and tried, to the best of my ability, to elucidate the bare truth from just plain lies. Ready? Ready!


Premise: Bill Gates is sharing with you his fortunes.

Story: Forwarding an e-mail that originated from AOL/Microsoft will guarantee you—the susceptible reader— immeasurable riches. To prove this, Paul, Andrea’s third cousin and Mitch’s half-brother, from which Brian worked as a networking agent, who happened to be Reese’s ex-BF and Melinda’s estranged husband, received 1/10^th of Bill Gates’ fortune and is now swimming in money. Remember, you are tracked!



The Truth: Unless you belong to the Gates’ clan, you will never, ever, even in your wildest dreams, inherit a single dollar from Bill. This hoax had been circulating in the Net since 1997, only the name of the companies and the rewards changing periodically, but the premise is still the same: lure gullible e-mail addicts to send spam mails in the promise of material reward.


Premise: Drinking soda directly from cans contaminated with rat urine could kill.

Story: A woman who went boating in Texas/Belgium drank from a can of soda she stored at the refrigerator on her boat. The day after, she was taken into the ICU, and two days later she died. Autopsy revealed that she died from a bacterial infection, and the soda can from which she had drunk (she didn’t use a glass), is teeming with microorganisms, the source of which is from rat’s urine.



The Truth: The source of the story is indeterminable but the pathogenesis is plausible: and the disease, as we know, is leptospirosis. When secretions from rats, swine, cats, and cattle infected with leptospires comes in contact with abraded skin or mucous membrane, the bacteria invades the host and produces the disease. Knowing how soda cans are stockpiled in this country, and the prevalence of rodents elsewhere, the possibility of rats peeing in soda cans is very likely, hence, the compulsory use of glasses and straw.


Premise: Eating sushi will cause your brain to become infected with maggots.

Story: A certain Japanese glutton is very fond of devouring tonloads of raw fishes like there’s no tomorrow. He experienced severe throbbing headache, went to the doctor, maggots are found in his scalp, and he underwent surgery. The alleged picture is shown below (may be a bit graphic: to view actual size image, open link in a new window).

The Truth: Ingesting raw, undercooked or improperly-prepared fish bearing tapeworms could indeed cause a parasitic infestation known as diphyllobothriasis. I know this one as I reported this case in my Microbiology and Parasitology class. This is a true disease; however, no medical literature supports fish-tapeworm brain infestation. Therefore, it is a hoax.


Premise: Amanda Bundy, a 6 y/o child, and Amy Bruce, a 7 y/o child are both dying of cancer, prayers and chain mails needed, respectively.

Story: A chain e-mail, circulating since 1998, states a certain Amanda Bundy, a 6 y/o child dying of a malignant type of brain tumor that has spread to her chest and abdomen. A family friend was asking for prayers. Amy Bruce, on the other hand, has the same predicament, only funner. She was even able to pen a poem entitled “Slow Dance” (…life is a race, so take it slower, hear the music before your song is over) and a $3 contribution will be donated by the American Cancer Society for every e-mail forwarded.



The Truth: Ready for this one? Amanda Bundy is a real, genuine, true, authentic, bona fide cancer patient. The caveat: she had already recovered from that cancer, yup, ever since 1998. Prayers really work eh? So stop forwarding that message anymore.

Amy Bruce, just like Baby Natalie, Arlington, BlahBlah, and Woohoo, is a complete hoax. American Cancer Society, AOL, ZDNet, NY Hospital, Kapuso Foundation and even Honda Motors, will not give that imaginary child a single penny. And that “Slow Dance” poem, not her work! It was a masterpiece by David Weatherford, a child psychologist. You can read his works here.


Premise: Eating noodles kill, celebrities included.

Story: A student in UK with 2 years fetish for cup noodles died as the wax lining in cup noodles accumulated in the poor man’s stomach and coated his gut onto innumerable waxy layers. A celebrity in the Philippines, on the other hand, was said to have eaten cup noodles the night before his unanticipated death, the purported cause of the demise.



The Truth:

The UK guy: Cup noodles (plastic, Styrofoam, tetra) are not lined with wax, nor are the noodle themselves. The containers are made to withstand excessive heat and are in no way, covered with a waxy lining. This story is a hoax. In my expert medical opinion, the guy either died from (1) pancreatitis or (2) malnutrition.

The Filipino celebrity: The cause of death of this guy is a well-kept secret among their clan. However, my sense of logic and deduction told me otherwise. This celebrity died from… tadaa… Sudden Unexpected Death Syndrome also known as bangungot in vernacular, which may either be an Acute Hemorrhagic Pancreatitis or Brugada Syndrome in medicalese.



Pancreatitis happens when your digestive juices autodigest your pancreas causing shock, massive internal bleeding and death, and it is usually due to alcoholism, while Brugada Syndrome is a lethal arrhythmia (fatal heartbeats) common among Asians, the etiology is unknown but is said to be due to a genetic heart defect. Therefore, not noodles, but alcohol and a heart disease killed the young matinee idol.

Implications: do not sleep drunk, have a routine ECG, no noodles at bedtime please, and one serving of noodle is enough (it expands in the stomach you know).

*

Rule of thumb: Any e-mail message that starts out by telling you that it isn't a chain letter most likely is. And oh, this isn’t a chain letter, by the way. Kindly send this post to 2,978 of your friends or your head will explode.

You don’t want to believe me? A certain Dudong from Naypyidaw, after reading this entry without posting a comment suddenly developed a terrible headache. After a while, his head exploded. While a certain reader named “Insert Your Name Here” immediately posted a comment here and was blessed with countless riches, an uber-gorgeous partner, and a body to die for. Wink!

*

Thanks kiks for the suggestions. Images from Wikipedia, Flickr and Geocities.

You Drive Me Crazy

it's not the large things that
send a man to the
madhouse. death he's ready for, or
murder, incest, robbery, fire, flood...
no, it's the continuing series of small tragedies
that send a man to the
madhouse...

not the death of his love
but a shoelace that snaps
with no time left ...

Basic neuro-psychiatry taught me that poem by Charles Bukowski, and it is indeed very true. Psychiatric disorders are not always caused by huge life tragedies, but of the series of life experiences that might seem trivial or inconsequential, but do overwhelms a person in the long run, more like:

not the death of his love
but a blog that was not updated
with no time left ...

Just kidding.

This post is supposed to be entitled as "I can diagnose what personality disorder you have by the way you blog!" but due to space constraints, I just used the title of the song of my ex-idol Baldie, er, Britney Spears, to spice things up.


Are you ready for your psychiatric evaluation? Read on.

Listed below are several yes/no questions relating to your attitudes toward life and blogging. Several diagnoses are listed thereafter, to which doctors, nurses, psychiatrists or psychologist, might be familiar about. Ready? Be honest eh?

Situation 1:

Do you suspect, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming, or deceiving you? Are you always preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of your blog friends? Do you persistenly perceive that your blogroll friends are writing derogatory posts about you? Or suspect that your friends think of your blog as good-for-nothing?


Do you think that Dr. Miranda Grey's (Hale Berry) character in Gothika epitomizes the real you?

Your diagnosis:
PARANOID PERSONALITY DISORDER

Situation 2:

Do you check your grammar, spelling, tenses, text alignment, font size, the position of your widgets, absence of broken links, and number of posts 467,193 times before you hit the PUBLISH NOW button? Do you have the preoccupation with details, rules, lists, order, organization, bodily functions, or schedules to the extent that blogging becomes no longer fun? Are you perfectionist, overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about everything in your blog, and in your life?


Does Michael J. Fox's appearance in Scrubs (Season 4) ring a bell?

Your diagnosis:
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER

Situation 3:

Are all your posts emotionally cold and detached? Do you have limited capacity to express either positive or negative emotions towards others? Do you have few (if any) close blog friends or relationships? Or do you lack the desire for such? Do you take pleasure from blogging alone, almost always avoiding any personal relationships? Are you always preoccupied with fantasy and introspection?


Does Kat Stratford's (Julia Stiles) performance in 10 Things I Hate About You mirrors your true personality?

Your diagnosis:
SCHIZOID PERSONALITY DISORDER

Situation 4:

Does your blogsite offers step-by-step technical support for any of these topics: organizing a crime syndicate, preparation of illegal drugs, child trafficking and promotion of human slavery, the know-hows of arson and terrorism, the basics of suicide bombing, or embalming living human beings? Do you fail to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest? Does a google search of murder, rape, animal cruelty, serial killing, smuggling, theft, child abuse, extortion and larceny (individually or collectively) provides a direct link to your site?


Is The Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) your personal hero?

Your diagnosis:
ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER

Situation 5:

Do you have difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others? Do you consult 24 of your blogfriends whether or not you should publish your entry that took you 2 weeks of revision thinking that your topic isn’t good enough? Do you check your site counter every 5 minutes and feels helpless when you noticed that the same 00123 visitors haven’t moved from the time elapsed? Do you go to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant?


Will Slim (Jennifer Lopez in Enough) play your role when you have your biography converted into the Big Screen?

Your diagnosis:
DEPENDENT PERSONALITY DISORDER

Situation 6:

Do you have a grandiose sense of self-importance? Are you always preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love? Do you think your blog requires excessive admiration and demands that your blogfriends should marvel at your work all the time? Are you often envious of your blogfriends, or do you believe that others are envious of you? Do you check your blog every now and then and adulate your work to the point that you could almost see a reflection of yourself in the computer screen and see perfection in it?


Upon seeing the picture, did you exclaim "Oh My God! Regina George (Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls) is SO SO ME!!!"

Your diagnosis:
NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

Situation 7:

Are you socially isolated, unattached and withdrawn to reality? Is your blog all about your odd behaviour and thinking, and often with unconventional beliefs such as being convinced of having extra sensory abilities, when in fact you have none? Do you detest visitors on your site? Do you consider your iPod and iBook as your closest friends, it’s as if they reply back when you talk to them?


Is Swimfan your favorite movie and Madison (Erika Christensen) your uber-favorite onscreen character?

Your diagnosis:
SCHIZOTYPAL PERSONALITY DISORDER

Situation 8:

Do you have the tendency to split things as “all-good” or “all-evil,” almost to the point of having unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation? Do you have marked or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self? Does your blog talk about your impulsive and potentially damaging habits of overspending, promiscuous sex, eating disorders, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating, self-mutilation, and suicidal behaviours? Do you often feel empty and dissociated, as if the person writing in your blog is not you?


Do you idolize Timmy York's (Bret Loehr) personality in Identity?

Your diagnosis:
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

Situation 9:

Do you always feel a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation? Do you avoid any activity that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection, and just live your existence through blogging? Are you always preoccupied with being criticized or rejected with the way you write? Do you view yourself as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others?


Is seeing Samara in The Ring brings you nostalgic memories of your cherished childhood?

Your diagnosis:
AVOIDANT PERSONALITY DISORDER

Situation 10:

Is your blog’s style of speech excessively impressionistic and exaggerated, almost theatrical and melodramatic? Is it full of inappropriately sexually seductive or provocative photos, it’s as if you demand to be at the center of attention? Is your life characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductiveness? Do you consistently use your physical appearance to draw other’s attention to yourself?


Oooops. No Reaction. KRIS IS MY PERSONAL SAVIOR. Hehehe.


Are you a member of the Steve Stifler (The Uber-yummy but nasty Sean William Scott) fan club?

Your diagnosis:
HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

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If you’re thinking that such disorders are mere figments of my imagination, think again. Such disorders are established psychiatric diagnoses or mental illnesses as listed in the DSM-IV-TR (the masterlist of all mental disorders). But worry not, provided they do not interfere with your work and social obligations, you’re perfectly fine, normal, healthy, exceptional, perfect. Just remember:

with each broken shoelace
out of one hundred broken shoelaces,
one man, one woman, one thing

enters a
madhouse.

so be careful
when you
bend over.

Be careful when you blog over. =)

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P. S. Kris Aquino photo from abuggedlife.com, Britney Spears' photo from Yahoo! Music and the rest of movie images from Yahoo! Movies. Some information taken from DSM-IV-TR Manual, Wikipedia, and Keltner, Videbeck and Mosby's Psychiatry.