Thursday, March 13, 2008

I'm Coming Out

For the first time in my life, I was actually offended for being touted as "gay."

And someone calling me "gay" is something I find to be demeaning, shameful, and blatantly crude.

I have never told my colleagues that I am queer. Apart from a very few trusted ones who knew about my sexuality, I actually find no valid reason to profess my queerness to everyone I am working with.

Plus the fact that the news might spread like uncontrollable wildfire scares the hell out of me (cf. Grey's Anatomy).

It's just that I think that my sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with me performing my duties as a nurse, and likewise, me being gay, has absolutely nothing to do with my work. I wouldn't change a thing -- my bedside manners, my competency and skills, my behaviour towards my patients and colleagues, etc. -- based on the premise that I am out, or otherwise.

Hi! My name is Ruff, and I'll be your sex slave, er, nurse for today.

When an irate moribund patient's relative
referred to me as "that gay nurse," I was utterly infuriated that I could feel my cerebral blood vessels throb simultaneously with my heartbeat.

Me: "Excuse me ma'am what did you just say?"
Whore: "I was calling your attention because you left mama unattended while blah blah (continues with justifications which have actually nothing to do with my work)..."
Me: "I've heard that you called me "gay.""
Whore: "Oh (stumbles with pointless explanations very well dismissible in a court of law...)"
Me: "I thought you have a problem with me being "gay" as your mum's nurse." (Then went back to the station hoping that nobody ever heard everything that has transpired).


I have always told my closest friends that the reason why I haven't "out-ed" myself yet is that nobody dares to ask me personally. I find it pointless to just indiscriminately spill the beans or premeditatedly come to work in pink boots and butt-fitting pants just to show them my true self. Just like medical histories, you'll never get to actually know anything about a person unless you ASK.

But then again, I was contemplating as to whether I should say "YES, I AM GAY" if somebody would actually have the guts to ask me, or I would perpetually remain inside the closet and vehemently reply, "ME, GAY? NO WAY?" with much gusto and passion.

And yup, I was giggling (like you) as I was reading what I just last wrote.

But I'd give that old prude props for having the guts to call me "gay." Her gay-dar was impeccable she almost left me speechless for a minute.

If she could actually see right through me, could everybody else be far behind?

Or had they known about it all along?

Now that's a point I haven't even thought at all.

Should I get OUT or NOT? You decide. :-)


cedeux said...

hey you! i'm still here! hehe
i'm just cooking up something=]
tagal mo nawala ah!

i think its ok that you outed to the people who're closest to you.

just keep it up on your work. don't mind people who has nothing to do in your life.

besides we love our nurse ruff the way he is=]

bingskee said...

one being gay has nothing to do with one's working performance, and other things. it's just sad that people are judgmental that they think if one is queer, then he is less, or that he thinks less. that just proves how limited some people are.

coach said...

nakakatulong pa nga minsan ang pagiging gay sa trabaho kasi mas may puso silang magtrabaho. im feeling sick now, ruff, can you be my nurse ^^, kaso homesickness ang sakit ko.

davenport said...

does your aura tells people don't mess with me..

(hey i mean do you have that suplado, image type to the point mysterious because most people will automatically have that first impression and doubting if the guy as gay is perfectly normal..pero alongside shut their mouth or else? baka ka manapak or manampal)

the problem is when people are not modest, like what happened to you..

don't worry about people, they don't really care.

about coming out to your family and close friends, restrict the drama, unlike what happened to me (but my tatay is still clueless--complicated)..
appear secure and sure..the real problem arises when you look distress about yourself being a plu.. if you show you yourself accepted and respected who you are, it would be easy for them..though it may take time.

i guess your already secure about yourself, pagdating sa work, maintain a don't ask don't tell policy.. but if they ask tell them confidently and with a smile.

davenport said...

and don't explain!

dazedblu* said...

hello that wuz really mean... I guess that lady shouldn't be in the hitch of teelin' someone what he is or like, stupid girl.

I agree with these ppl who commented first, being gay doesn't affect any individuals performance at work.

Well then you can handle things like that.. :)

pat said...

NEVER admit that in the workplace. like you've said nga, your sexuality's got nothing to do with your work ethics so it's a fact about you that no one needs to know. pero kung may nakipagflirt na pasyenteng cute, why not. but still. it's up to you pa ren naman eh, pare.

jericho said...

you're gay? whoa, I didn't know.;) but I think you're already out if you've got no problem saying you are gay if someone asks. or I think a better way to answer them is: "read my blog". right?

Portable Bitch said...

hey there ruff...
missed yah.. :)

it's been a while eh?

muah muah!

Anonymous said...

You know people have adopted the don't ask don't tell behavior. I agree. Why say it if nobody is asking?


if no one's asking, then dont.. but if somebody asks, you have the right not to answer it as well.

it's ur life.

Coldman said...

You decide. It's your choice. =)

aliping binabahay said...

hindi naman dahil bakla ka, kailangan mo na mag-out. choice mo pa rin naman yan. at kung may pagsasabihan ka man, dun lang sa alam mong nakakaunawa at mapagkakatiwalaan.

hayaan mo na lang siguro yung iba. hayaan mo silang mahirapan sa pag-iisip kung bakla ka nga o hindi. hehe

KC said...

Hi Nurse Ruff!
And as for coming out, don't spill when they don't ask.

The relative of your patient is a major bitch. Grr!

Whether you're gay or not, I know that you are one of the best nurses and one of the nicest persons I know. ;)

Kiks Phulumulu said...

tama ang sagot, pantapal sa mabahong bibig ng whore.

otherwise, you could have just dropped your stethoscope on the floor breaking it and make her pay for it.

Mr. Schizophrenic said...

Some people might actually sense that you're gay. But out respect to you, they dont want to do what that fickle minded person did to you.


bob said...

binura ko ung comment ko on the last minute. hahahaha! Baka maoffend ka.

baka i-text ko na lang for your feedback (feedback!) (Janet Jackson, ikaw ba yan?)

Queer Ranter said...

Thank goodness I'm not you or I'll give that girl a bitching she'll never forget.

*evil grin

Marcus: Bading Down Under said...

Coming out is really a personal decision so I say only come out when you get that feeling that people will accept and respect you for who you are.

Good luck! :-)

chase / chubz said...

sa work.. i just wait for my officemates to ask the right questions, and then i would tell them that yes i am gay..
yun lng. bahala sila

Carl said...

ruff, my friend, out or not, we won't love u any less. ^_^

mwah! kain tayo minsan (o inom) sa tapsi!

mrs.j said...

sa tapsi talaga?

1611 nmn haha

o well it pays to ask urself padin kung saan ka magiging happy i mean free...

wer k b masya?

kingdaddyrich said...

baka nakaamoy siya kaya ganon..


well, it turned out na mataray ang dating mo non at that point of conversation... iniisip ko may matching taas kilay (kagat labi) at pamewang ka pa... well, sana makita kita para malaman natin kung may basehan nga siya.. :D

take care nurse ruff, can you be my sex slave!!!

*devils laugh* bwahahaha!!!

kalansaycollector said...

ruff i mishoo.

anyway parang ganito rin ng issue ng aking latest post.

i really get you.

savante said...

Of course it doesn't affect our work. Always wonder how people can assume that our sexuality has anything to do with our careers.

Really hope they don't mean it in a derogatory manner. You're not the only guy who gets it, I'm sure. Think I might be pointed out as the gay doctor as well.

Reyville of Simply Manila said...

that feeling is totally understandable. i was never a girl before this lifetime but i think its the same feeling when a girl is called a bitch or pokpok by another person. this world's full of trash manners. nakakainit ng ulo noh? hehe.

veraLeigh said...

it's her problem she's too babaw to categorize persons through gender preference.


Marcus: Bading Down Under said...

Nurse: How are you na? Any updates as to the coming out thing?

acey said...

hi, nurse ruff! people who don't see what is in a good person's heart stink. don't worry about those sort of people. they're probably having trouble with themselves. =D

Lawstude said...

one's sexuality should never be an issue even in the workplace...if someone asks you if you're gay, admit proud! be yourself and be okay with it... =)

Bryan Anthony the First said... decide...:-)


Daizuke said...

Well ... Just dont push yourself too hard.. If you dont feel like admitting it to the public or whatever then dont do it.. Its our prerogative.. I say KEVER.. If people try to call you that name.. Then you should not be ashamed you know na its true nman di bah? So just relax and dont mind.. If mgpapakita ka na affected then pretty obvious.. Hehehehe...

Miss you Papa Ruff!! mwaahh

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Anonymous said...

should i come out or not? i've asked myself countless times and the answer is i don't really need to go announcing to everyone i know that i am gay. i am the same person whether or not those i interact with are aware of my sexual orientation.

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