Sunday, July 24, 2005

The End of an Era.

Once upon a time, there was a young man who believed that true love would come his way. He waited for the Right One to come only to get disappointed and frustrated in the end. He gambled everything he had just to find his true happiness, only to have his heart get wounded in the way. All the optimism faded into dust. He grew restless and desperate, lonely and forgotten.

He is losing hope. But the desperation turned into delight when he finally met the man of his dreams. He is perfect, perhaps, too good to be true. In his mind, he believed that a flawless person like him would never love an insignificant person like himself. But he was wrong. The more he fell in love with him. Notwithstanding the risk of getting hurt again, he decided to entrust his heart to this wonderful man.

They lived a perfect life. They shared a love that is all consuming, all compelling, unconditional, a needy kind of love. He told himself, “I don’t know if it will last but for now, he makes me feel like I can do anything I ever dreamed.” Their love is palpable, strong and unfaltering. But never in their minds they knew that the end is yet to come.

Then suddenly, his lover left him. He was shattered into gazillion pieces. He knew he could never be whole again. Not for now, and perhaps, it never will.

But he didn’t close his heart. He kept it wide open. Eagerly anticipating for the moment their love will lead him back again.

Now he was astray, lost, forgotten. Mending a life that is entirely full of holes. Will he finally get to savor his much-deserved happiness?

The story is mine to finish.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The Chronicles of Love

The following letters are my personal correspondence to my three special friends whose comments appear on the previously posted article "The Unwanted Ghosts of my Unforgotten Past."

to ree.
when i learned the fact that we both have our significant others abroad and we are fighting to keep our relationships strong, i couldn't help but feel elated with the knowledge that someone in this universe shares with my sentiments and empathizes with me sincerely and genuinely (like you do).

at first i though that my bf (in NY) is my great true love but im finding it hard sustaining a relationship with someone i am not physically together with. its as if im missing his presence—the intimacy, the passion, the oneness, the security it brings, im not quite sure. but his very presence reminds me of his pure and unconditional love. like your bf, he had remained sincere and loyal to me and to our relationship. we still communicate substantially and we have remained faithful to one another. i guess its because we are both willing to fight for our relationship that we decided to make sacrifices and to hang and hold on. and like you, distance isn’t even a question.

im very happy with where your relationship is going. i hope that through our consensual efforts, we can be like you—strong, steadfast, dedicated. marco is strong and i know that we will make it as long as our love is able.

and as i always say, i will wait for him forever… as the sun stood still.

to hashi.
Thanks my dear friend visiting my precious little site. =)

I personally commend you my friend for the 11 months you wholeheartedly spent with your LD-significant other. In all fairness, that was long compared to my month-long ramblings and whimpering on whether I should pursue my relationship with Marco or not. In all honesty, I have no problems with LD relationships, and as I have said in my chronicles, I am very much willing to give it a try. But the thing I fear most is the lack of reassurance. Its not that I worry whether he will stay loyal with me, or I to him, it’s the outcome that I fear of. I’m afraid of the unknown, of the future, or where our relationship is heading. It’s just complicated… and fearful in my part.

I don’t want to simply end the relationship I nurtured and cultivated from the very beginning. I really, really love my Marco. And I am willing to sacrifice more. It’s hard for me living a life that is away from him physically. He had showered me with so much love when he was still here, and I became dependent on that love and belongingness. As Maslow said, I couldn’t have reached my full potential without him fulfilling my love, security, safety and belongingness needs. He had became a part of my life. And as crazy as it may sound, I felt extremely estranged even with myself with his leaving.

I hope I can be whole again. I’m fighting hashi. I’m still fighting.

to bernadette.
Thanks Bernadette. I feel happy with the fact that you are always present to support me and love me and empathize with me no matter how unpredictable, crazy, and messy my life have become. =)

I couldn’t help but agree with you my friend. It’s my first long-distance relationship ever that’s why I’m apprehensive and worried and afraid of everything that comes along with it. When I think of the many people who are looking for love, I couldn’t help but feel more happy and contented with my (past and present) relationship with Marco. And when I feel lonely and alone, a simple though of him or a short conversation with him is like a balm to the hurt. And suddenly it’s not that bad at all.

In love, there has to be sacrifices we have to endure. His leaving had become the hardest one yet, so is maintaining this LD relationship. I have psychologically prepared myself for this kind of test, and my mind had conditioned my heart to feel ready and primed for this emotional ride. But I was wrong. The more I became weak and unprepared. When he left, I was shattered into pieces. Only Marco can make me complete and whole again. But his leaving never broke my spirit. And it is telling me to fight for this relationship as long as my mind and heart can.

At present, I don’t have any plans of going to NY to be with him yet. Only time can tell. And fate. But I’m not altogether hopeless and forlorn. I have all the love in the world to give. And that belongs to my TRUE SIGNIFICANT OTHER in New York.

PS. Thanks for the unending support. Your words of advice had fueled my life with the precious warmth I needed to survive. I am very much indebted. I am indebted.