Monday, January 21, 2008

You Think You're A Man

Brian: We're queer. We don't need marriage. We don't need the sanction of dickless politicians and pederast priests. We fuck who we want to, when we want to. That is our God-given right.

Michael: But it is also our God-given right to have everything that straight people have. Because we're every bit as much human as they are.

As a cynic, I have always believed that nothing lasts forever. And that includes human relationships. Eventually, in one way or the other, everything is doomed to fail. Everything will perish. Everything will end.

But that’s just me.


Like Mandaya and Kiks, I have to confess that I’m in a serious relationship right now…

With my work, that is.

Oftentimes I’m asked as to why I’m not in a commitment right now. Now that I’m earning my own salary, paying for my own finances, and am surreptitiously in an opportune time to mind my own career aside from the one I have at patients’ bedsides. Every time I encounter that annoying question, I always have one straight and sweet answer:

“Work is my priority as of the moment.”

Work has always been my guilt-free pass for almost everything. Missed social rendezvous? Because of work. Going to the gym? Sorry, I have work. My 8-hour-sleep-minimum? Got to wake up early due to work. No boyfriend right now? Too busy with work.

But this post’ve got nothing to do with work. Rather, it is about relationships.

It is a known fact that I’ve been to too many one in my past, and for being burned *that many times, I’m blissfully and eternally grateful that I am still alive. It, however, theoretically didn’t and won’t stop me from pursuing one, because as a human being, I do have that innate need to love and be loved.

I want someone who will truly understand me and the person underneath me. I need someone who will accept the real me and will unconditionally love me despite my weaknesses and flaws. I long for someone who will take care of me, who will share with my joys and pains, and of course, who will do me every time I got the occasional itch.

Just kidding.

My last three (failed) relationships taught me three important things in life: 1) long distance relationships are doomed to fail eventually: 2) honesty is still the best policy even in relationships: and 3) learn to love yourself first.

Those mistakes, however, practically hindered me from venturing out into the woods again. Because I’m still here in this freaking cold, forsaken crossroad, searching and looking which way affords the easy relief.

By now it should appear to everyone that I really don’t what the hell I’m talking about.

So let me go back to my previous postulate, that, everything is doomed to fail.

But then, there’s that something that breaks away from the mold. Something far from ordinary. Something that’ll stand out among the rest.

And that thing is your relationship with yourself.

For as long as you know that you are at peace with yourself, no man, no shit, no dickless homophobes, and no bitter ex-lovers would deter you from being the best person that you could ever be.

And that is what man to man relationship essentially means.



Mink: The Arabian Paladin said...

theres always a somebody for someone...

and this line, i have to find out if true:

1) long distance relationships are doomed to fail eventually about OFW's? some are surviving the LDRs...


Kiks Phulumulu said...

those are doomed to fail. ruff is right. and mink, sometimes, we just can't help it.

thanks for this, ruff. now i know we both love whitney houston.

jericho said...

first was reyna elena's... and now yours. if I don't stop now, i'll be mortally scared of m2m relationships soon. then again, celibacy is maybe scarier. love the pic! can I steal it and set it as my wallpaper? hehe

coach said...

i agree with mink. LDRs of OFW. this applies to me, sana nga magworkout ang sa akin, two years na rin kaming magkahiwalay pero surviving pa rin naman. thank god.

amicus said...

i agree. nothing lasts forever.
but it does not deter anyone from enjoying what is. :)

i am currently in a long distance relationship and we will be on our 20th month next week. yey to life! and love.

na-miss kita. parang ang tagal ko hindi nakapunra dito.

more power \m/

KC said...

Hi Ruff!

1) long distance relationships are doomed to fail eventually

I agree...but I'm in one. Labo no?
We just want to try and make things work...and we don't want to be living in what ifs. We talked about "break ups" so that it won't slap the both of us hard when it comes. Ok naman kami.. :)

kalansaycollector said...

hay. hindi ko pa rin talaga alam ang mukha ng isang relasyon. hehe sabi ko nga sa post ko, kasalanan ko ba kung hindi ko pa maranasang masabihan ng "mahal kita" kailanman? ;p

i sooo miss you ruff. as in.

Anonymous said...

Somehow I'm happy for you nurse ruff. :) from all those failed relationships, you were able to learn things that will guide you in finding a new one.

I'm glad ur work pre-occupies almost your whole sked. But we still have to schedule r SPA date w/ BOb (for d single boys, hehehe).


bananas said...

i remember one night of wastedness with fabulous friends, one of us declared he's into a really, really serious relationship. it was something that made us really happy, sure.

but when asked how serious they were, the friend said: "seryos kaayo uy...seryos gyud kaayo...two weeks na mi."

gibo said...

nice post, i totally agree on LDR :-)

Anonymous said...

It's just sad that people think that people who are not straight are doomed to fail in relationships and family matters. It's because they wish that it would all fall apart. :(

icka said...

first things first. you've got to love yourself first so you can love others too.

when you have unconditional love for yourself,you don't need other people's love and approval, or how much they need you to prove your self-worth. You are complete and happy all on your own.

Then, when you go into a relationship, you don't go into it because you need to be loved. It becomes a choice, a conscious choice.


goddess said...

some good things never last - barbra streisand..

some lang naman eh, ndi lahat. don't lose hope in love.

pero sabi mo nga, "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.."

davenport said...

everything is relative... since you mentioned earlier "it is just me" then what is true for the moment is true but possibly not in the future..(with reference to what r.w. emerson taught me)

"everything is doomed to fail".. how come it contradicts your "nothing last forever"...

maybe everything come to an ends..but how graceful, how well done? end doesn't mean to be violent..


(i think i talked too much)

Keitaro Hanazawa said...

Ruff, mahahanap mo din ang Prince Charming mo. Don't worry.:)

Scarlet said...

Ruff :) you know what they say.. when your personal starts being engulfed in flames, it's time for a promotion.

long distance relationships are doomed to fail eventually
-- i just hate it. mainly because im the kind of person who's not patient in anything, so yeah. LDR's are soo lame. are u impatient, too? but hey, i have friends who have survived LDR's inspite of not being together physically for four years.

still, LDR's are LAME :))

learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. whitney's right. i began to love myself more than others since i was a child. i only ended up too much of a narcissist. lol. but im trying to lessen that nowadays..

even if that's the case, i might say that even if i have loved myself (and that should be enough, right?), i still sometimes crave for that feeling of being loved back. nothing can top that -- knowing that you have someone with you no matter what.

hmm.. that's why dildos arent enough. pleasuring yourself with a dildo, and having sex with a real guy are both oh-so-friggin'-good, but the sensation the latter gives is still far way better. wouldn't you agree?..

but heck, things will come for those who wait. so just keep waiting. oh no. scratch that. get your workaholic ass out there and enjoy life on the outside world! :D

wishin' y'all the best.
much love. xx

Scarlet said...

i just realized that i almost wrote a novel. :P

His Name Is Rent said...

Oh, work. It's making us too preoccupied each day. Kung pwede lang sana umabsent ng madalas, marami sanang magagawa. Kaya as much as possible, love mo ung work mo. Kaya at least in love ka sa ginagawa mo. But let me include that as one of my wishes this year, na mahanap ni Ruff ang lalaking makakaintindi sa pagkatao niya, sa pagkataong nakaloob sa kanya,na tatanggap sa totoong siya, na magmamahal sa kanya ng walang anumang kundisyon (haha), na mag-aalaga sa kanya, na magiging kasalo niya sa hirap at ligaya at magpapaligaya sa kanya kapag siya'y nangangati. HaHaHa. Medyo masagwa pala kapag trinanslate na.

Well, Ruff, happy searching. Don't rush. Maraming darating.

His Name Is Rent said...

Scarlet, may na-realize ako bigla sa sinabi mo ha. Hindi kaya "medyo" insensitive ako dahil sa pagiging narcissist ko? (sabi nila insensitive daw ako, sobrang dami na nila... see below) kasi minsan kasi parang okay lang sa kin na nawawala yung mga ka-relasyon ko and though may takot, konti lang talaga.

By Reyville, Dec 2006
(Title meant as "Prelude" since it's one of the first posts.)

POINTLESS! But I was hopeful so I waited. “Go with the flow,” I said. I tried to stand still…undisturbed and eager. I attempted to examine. I looked for several ways to see a clearer direction. Unfortunately, things led me to nowhere. Though I’ve been to several same sex relationships already, my entire love life thing could be summarized as ONE BIG JOKE.

Have I cried for someone? Hell, no. In fact, I was never wounded—it’s actually the other way around. But it was never my intention to hurt them either, all were just a matter of wisely gripping the status quo. Some of them may be literally SUCKERS for they just took advantage of my innocence. Some are SUCKERS for they wanted only SEX. They’re all SUCKERS, yeah. But each worked differently. Nevertheless, I always wanted to befriend them during the post-RELATIONSHIP period with no sour grapes and bitterness traced behind. But some could not just take it that easy for they always thought they were only played. Or perhaps they’re just simply boorish and naturally bitter. Fortunately, I can easily shake that off like dandruffs on my shoulder. INSENSITIVITY reigns!

But no, I am sensitive. I am may be conceited but I have feelings. I am a mysterious ocean; you have to look deeper to appreciate all the wonders.

Bryan Anthony the First said...

love's still alive...

Carl said...

i'd like to think that way too, kabsat. kumusta kan ngayen?

woof. (lol)

aCey said...

hi ruff! this post is beautiful. i like the honesty here. and the depth. :)

bingskee said...

some good things never last but not everything are doomed to fail.. i think it depends on how one perceives it.

akosikai said...

waaah, so long distance relationships don't really work then?? =(

Juz said...

Ur uber right nursie ruff..

Love urself first then everything follows...

Honesty is the best way to preserve a relationship.. to prevent unavoidable doubts and fears...

just believe ruff that there is someone for you.. just for you.. ok..

smile.. ang emo na natin dito.. hehehe


mg! Spot on again Nurse Ruff.

amen to everything you have posted.

Mr Rainbow Man said...

your ideas on relationship are straight to the point! can i use some of these points for my blog?

dazedblu* said...

Its okay dear!, there will be more time for that... until the the right time come for yew.

Well take care of yer self, don't be too obsess with the work. :)

ruff nurse-du-jour said...

Oh my, I’m overwhelmed with such huge number of comments and insights from this post. I hope you’ll allow me ample time to post my replies and hopefully, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
@MINK: Yup I believe that there’s always *that somebody for someone, but that someone must be at my side by the time I should find him. And about the OFWs, I guess my cynicism has taken the optimism out of me, but then again, there will always be an exception.
@KIKS PHULUMULU: That just proves the point that physical intimacy is an important aspect of a healthy relationship. First, One Moment In Time, then this – The Greatest Love of All. I wonder what should come next.

ruff nurse-du-jour said...

@JERICHO: Of course you can. Don’t believe in everything you’ve just read Jericho. If there’ll be an authority in m2m relationships, that person definitely would not be me. But it’s okay to get scared sometimes. Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom..
@COACH: Things’ll work out if you’ll make them. As for your case coach, I wish you all the best.

ruff nurse-du-jour said...

@AMICUS: Exactly. To quote Frolov and Scheider, “I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't think you can measure life in terms of years. I think longevity doesn't necessarily have anything to do with happiness. I mean happiness comes from facing challenges and going out on a limb and taking risks. If you're not willing to take a risk for something you really care about, you might as well be dead.”
~I miss you too. And yey to life! And love. :-)
@KC: “It is courage, courage, courage, that raises the blood of life to crimson splendour. Live bravely and present a brave front to adversity.” Hope everything works well for you and your beloved kacie. And I hope your case will tell me that what I believe in could actually be wrong.

ruff nurse-du-jour said...

@KALANSAY COLLECTOR: There’s always a time for everything. Malay mo, the first person who’ll tell you those three words will be the one whom you’ll be spending your eternity with.
~Don’t hurry. Don’t rush. Everything will happen in His due time.
@JOSH: “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” And I promise myself that by the time I engage in a new one, there’ll be no more mistakes… just lessons. No more failures… just successes.

ruff nurse-du-jour said...

@BANANAS: Oh! How I love the beginning of new relationships. Those rosy smiles, filled with eternal promises of unending love, only to realize in the end that they’re each other’s nightmares. Just kidding.
~But I say kudos to their optimism. I surely hope I have that kind of outlook.
@GIBO: Thanks. By now my readers should’ve probably nurtured the idea that I detest LDRs. Hahaha.

wanderingcommuter said...

this post blew me away...

nice ending...

i just wish you all the best!

Rachel said...

One of the BEST reads.

LAD said...

at dahil bihira ka ng mag update....

may gift ako sayo! haha anong konek. basta, get it na lang ruff sa akin bahay.

Anonymous said...

LOVE DOESN"T END WHEN WE DON"T SEE EACH OTHER (from the movie, The End of Affair...hayyayyy)


Drake said...

Very clever indeed. Nice points you got. Plus, I like the steadfast candor you pour out on your writing.

It's been a long while since I read a post from your sensible virtual abode. I've been a busy bee lately, just like you. ^_^

kingdaddyrich said...

walang pinagkaiba ang heterosexual relationship sa homosexual relationship.

mag kapareho lang na nangangailangan ng pagibig at pagunawa, pagmamahal at pagtitiwala, and most of all, sex...


aliping binabahay said...

long distance relationships are doomed to fail eventually

sang-ayon ako sa sinabi mo.

ganda ng post mo. isa ka na sa favorite ko.


yoshke said...

RUff!!! waaaah. ngayon lang ulit ako nakadaan.

I looove this entry. Every word --- I'm with you. Hahaha. Pareho kasi siguro tayo ng nararamdaman at the moment. ;)

McRey said...

Sabi sa Y-Speak: "A man falling in love to another man is gay."

Pero sabi naman ng isang debater:

"What is it in a woman that a man doesn't have?"

Syempre yung vagina. Pero if that is the only thing that a woman that makes a man to fall in love with her (morally) then, men should give up their virgility.

Sabi nila love requires no sex, hence, everybody has the right to love regardless of their gender. If in this society na ang mga lalaking may mahal na leleki eh pipiliting magmahal ng babae o makisama sa isang babae just for the sake of morality, then kawawa naman yung babae. Kasi hindi rin siya magiging masaya and that is far immoral than man loving another man.

Segway ako:

Kakamatay lang ng aso ko... I think this is the best thing that i can do for her...

Please say your pray for my beloved dog on her guestbook. >>Sign here

savante said...

No argument there. The best relationship you should have is with yourself since it's almost impossible to be loveable without loving yourelf first.

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