Saturday, December 06, 2008

(What Have You Done Today To Make You Feel) Proud

"I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same"

I find it queer (redundancy aside) that in my 22 years of existence, never have I participated, engaged, witnessed, nor get involved, in *our annual pride parade.

Minus the first two years where I am still unable to walk and the next 12 years of undefined identity, that left me with 8 missed opportunities of celebrating and professing my pride with my sexuality and personal identity.

I asked myself, am I not proud of the person that I have become?

I could say that I'm not the typical confused man. At an early age, I already knew what I wanted to achieve and what I wanted to become.

I had my first relations at the age of 16, became exposed to the complicated queer life at 17, and successfully managed my first committed relationship at 18. Bed was my niche even before Bed became Bed, and I witnessed how Government became the Government that was now.

This premature exposure, however, doesn't come without a price. After a couple of years of countless boozing, whoring and experimenting, I became a little tired of that usual scene.

I stayed out of it for quite a while. I nurtured committed relations without the frills and fuzz and the complications of my previous juvenile immaturities. I drove myself out from the fast lane. I held on to my peace.

There are moments when I still question myself if this quiescent life is the kind of life that I really wanted. Whether I'm happy with my existence.
Or if I'm proud of the life that I'm living.

I may not have stepped out of the ordinary just yet but there's one thing in me that holds true.


I take pride in my work, in my actions, and in my words. I take pride in my deeds, in my promises, and in my thoughts. I take pride in my sexuality, in my identity, and in my personal choices. I take pride in the life that I chose to live. And I take pride in the actions that pave the way for becoming the person that I am now.

I may not have been there in the parade wearing costumes and wings and masks. I may not have been there organizing the floats, or arranging the crowd. And definitely not there sashaying with nothing on but my jockstraps (not that I have any) and heels.

But yes, I am proud.

And no one can stop me now.

And you, what have you done today to make you feel proud?

Happy Pride Day, Everyone!

*Images from Showtime's Queer as Folk.


gravity said...

this post is brave and proud at the same time. good for you that you are able to show the world the real you. keep it up =)

Anonymous said...

Happy pride day din! And Happy HIV awareness month. Glad to see you back.

jericho said...

bago ako mamatay, i will go to Pinoy Pride.. hehehe

Mr. Scheez said...

I'm sooo proud of you dahlen.

Love you Nurse Ruff =)

meow said...

go mga sisters!
cue the pulse to begin...

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