Saturday, November 11, 2006

How to Save A Life


My Man: “God will give you what you really need, I’m very sure that you will find the right person for you soon.”

Me: “I hope god will *really* give me what I need, because I thought that that was you all along. Goodbye my Mcdreamy.”

And I’ve never heard from him since then.


I sounded overly morbid regarding my last post on my recent surgery to the point of being extremely overrated. It’s my first surgery in years and I’m still terrified even by the mere thought or recollection of it. With this post being my 1st post surgery entry, I’d like to take this opportunity to THANK each one of you for the prayers, the support, and the words and deeds of encouragement. No doubt that God truly hears our prayers, and I’m extremely grateful for another chance to live. My utmost appreciations to the doctors, nurses and staff of the hospital where I had my surgery for taking care of me throughout my entire hospitalization (I’m the worst patient in history!).

I’m supposed to post my extensive peri-operative diaries here but I thought that is more prudent to keep them to myself. I don’t want to drag my fears in public for the people to read/see. Moreover, only a very few people knew about my surgery and I want to keep it like that. In fact, as of the recent weeks, I’m back socializing in the real world as if nothing ever happened. Maybe it’s because of the fear that when people get to know what happened, they might see me differently, and consequently, treat me as a handicapped who deserves pity and commiseration, or it’s probably because I’m just afraid deep down inside and I still have a hard time sharing with people my real emotions. Whatever the reason is, the bottom line is that I’m extremely thankful that things are getting better with each passing day, and I’m praying that I will get well really soon.


As of now, I’m having a painful and difficult time dealing not only with my recent surgery, but with my most recent break-up. I need time to decompress—to reorganize myself and see where the road leads me. I’ll post my ordeal once we arrive at a consensus. I don’t want to pre-empt things, but as of the moment, I’m pretty sure that things will get really ugly.


Me (to My Man): “It hurts so much when I really really wanted to text you or call you but I know deep inside that I can’t. I can’t because as much as I would like to start a new life without you, every little thing, every place, every sight reminds me of you. And it hurts more. I have no reasons to hate you, and I don’t want you to get the impression that I do. You’re a good person. And I wish you well.

“You are, and you will always be my one and only Mcdreamy.”

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