Monday, December 18, 2006

My Grown-Up Christmas List

Embarking on a new mission in life is a challenging phase for everybody, especially among the few ones whose life satisfaction has been largely based on the status quo and considers the waves of challenges as a huge deterrence to one’s ambitions. We have conditioned ourselves to become complacent on things that shelter our ego and personal boundaries, as if every thing, every event, every happening is just a phase where we are the mere spectators to the grand scheme of things. We fail to connect, moreover to get involved, to stand up and move our asses off, and LIVE A LIFE. Maybe it’s because we fear of losing control, or of failing, or of having our ego bruised and our ambitions crumble; but one thing holds true—we fear what we do not know. We fear the unknown.

Why do we embark on things that the outcomes we don’t definitely know? Why do we gamble our sanity, our status, our emotions, our relationships, in a game where the winners take all?

I don’t know if these trains of thoughts matter as of the moment. It’s just that I’m both excited and apprehensive of my new job. Nobody among my kith and kin agrees of it, where I’m in the contrary polarity, and I’m eagerly looking towards it. It had become, therefore, a personal quest for me—not only to prove them wrong, but to prove my worth and of my convictions in deciding for myself. I love my family, I really do, and in my mind and heart lays the best intentions for all of them. It’s just that I think that I’m ready to handle things by myself. If I might succeed/fail/quit/get insane or even get killed in the process, I will be very proud because I held on to my beliefs head on and guns blazing. And now I know, that things will definitely be good.

No amount of discouraging remarks, ghastly anecdotes and disheartening comments would dampen my spirit. I won’t let myself be overwhelmed. The pains of circadian arrhythmia, migraine headaches, carpal tunnel syndrome, perforated eardrum, combined conduction and sensori-neural hearing loss, Meniere’s disease, acoustic Schwannoma, laryngeal carcinoma, glioblastoma multiforme, Duputryen’s contracture, Reynaud’s disease, radial and ulnar nerve palsy, and extreme episodes of epistaxis would never deter me from achieving my short-term goals. And if God wills, a spiritual reward wouldn’t hurt.

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