Saturday, June 30, 2007

Song Beneath The Song

Twenty-one years, eighteen days, seventeen hours, thirteen minutes and counting. In a world of ambiguity, helplessness and pains, perhaps an hour more would be too much to bear. When we were little, all we wanted was to grow up, to mature, to be independent, to be unconstrained by parental controls and the norms expected of us as we conform to the standards set by people superior to us. And true to the course of nature, we do grow up. Sometimes too fast that we feel our precious childhood had just left us. We whine, we cry, we become upset by the tremendous responsibilities accompanying adulthood and maturity. We cringe Erikson and suddenly cram to achieve intimacy, generativity and ego integrity erstwhile avoiding isolation, stagnation and the shoddily despair.

Perhaps we never have even the slightest idea of what we really needed, nor of what we really wish to happen
—everything tends to become a mistake, and as such, to be treated as something to be avoided. But when we realize the grand scheme of things, we therefore come to the realization that things really do happen for a reason, and no matter how awry, grim or repugnant things might become, the purpose that permeates matter, things and time, is existentially good, and in one way or the other, has an effect in shaping what we are at present.

es I have the propensity to become overrated. It is a phenomenological truth. No amount of hypothesizing nor psychopathological analysis would explain the present me. I hide behind pseudonyms, pseudo-faces and so much broken links that knowing the real me will only lead to much ambiguity and confusion. Nosce te ipsum advices of us of our intelligent forefathers. Much simple words methinks for a task so huge a lifetime of deciphering would never be enough for an impetus. Yet we still keep on doing so, for answering that simple question is but the key to sharing ourselves with others.

hile I was rummaging through my stuffs, I accidentally found a piece of paper I immediately recalled as my high school project. It was aptly titled, “Ten Things I Love About Myself.” What I’ve read is too much reality I seemed to have forgotten. After I reread the work that at first seemed foreign to me, sense came back into me and all I could feel is an unending gratitude that the things written in that piece of paper is indeed happening in my life. That was real solace. Why do I have to be reminded that there are things that I currently have but I do not have appreciation for? And yes, all I need was a piece of paper.

The literature below shows the exact content and I have considered it prudent to leave it unedited.)


I love myself…

ot only for being blessed with lots and lots of friends I can trust and rely on but for what they have done in making my life special and knowing that for the past years of our friendship, I never had any regrets in terms of being together with them and I know that this friendship would be endless…

ot only for all my problems and life struggles that test my strength and faith in God but for what they have done in transforming myself to become a better person and the assurance that God will always be at my side for every problem that might come my way…

ot only for having special talents and abilities I can use everyday of my life but for what they have been doing in making my life really unique…

ot only for my special traits, like the strengths that I have that amaze many people, I can carry hardships, I can carry burdens, I can hold happiness, love and joy, but for what I really am… I smile when I want to scream, I sing when I want to cry, I cry when I am happy, and I live when I just want to give up…

ot only for being proud about myself in the right time, places, and circumstances but for the fact that I had been respecting myself and others, I am aware of who am I, I neither seek definition from the person I am with, nor do I expect them to read my mind, and I am quite capable of articulating my needs…

ot only for the fact that I know love, and therefore I give love but for that I recognize that my love has great value and importance and must be reciprocated. If my love is taken for granted, it soon disappears…

ot only for the fact that I know God and I live according to His Divine Loving Providence but I know that with God, the world is my playground, but without God, I will just be played with

ot only for having my entire family who is always there whenever I need their advices and guidance but for the fact that they are still there no matter what, even knowing that I am really an unpredictable creature and still knowing and believing in my own capabilities whatsoever…

ot only that I am highly privileged with what I am experiencing right now or with what I am currently enjoying in but for what I am possessing to have these little spices, a dash of inspiration and a dabble of endurance. I know that I will, at times, have to inspire others to realize the potentials God had given them…

ot only that I do not live in fear of the future because of my past but instead, I understand that my life experiences are merely lessons meant to bring myself closer to self-knowledge and unconditional self-love.

What are the ten things you love about yourself? If this post inspires you and you feel loved, then consider yourself tagged.


P. S. Tin-tin, thanks for being so nice. You are one of the reasons why I love myself better now. This post is especially dedicated to you. Some images taken from flickr.

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