Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Of Age and Men

Of my three serious relationships, all three of them involve men which are comparably older than me. And of my (more-or-less) 15 sexual ones, approximately 80-90 % of them happened to men advanced my age. Considering the trends, why am I more attracted, lustful, engrossed, and (genuinely) happy with guys older than myself?

An old psychopath once said that the course of which one’s relationship veer from is interdependent on the needs and wants of the person and his subconscious desires, wanting and deficiencies. Moreover, in his theories, he stated that people subconsciously chooses their significant others (S.O.) based on their unmet psychiatric milestones and on how their S.O. can fulfill such needs.

In other terms, individuals looking for older people are indicative of lack of parental figure to which the person identifies him/herself, while individuals looking for younger partners are like an older brother/sister taking care of a younger sibling.

This is the reason why Freud, the psychopath, had been greatly critiqued by psychiatrists of his era, and present-day intellectuals (like me).

While his theories make distinct, strong points, Freud underestimated the power of human passion and reason which is unique in every person. In fact, the subjects he experimented in his studies involved mentally ill clients he extracted from asylums in central Europe. In addition, his experiments did not even involve people with sex/gender/identity issues (homosexuals, bisexuals, transgender and transvestites). His theories may somewhat suffice superficial inquiries of insignificant shrinks, but believe me, I am no fool to believe a heartless and preposterous scientist.

This chronicle is not a critique of Freud or any madman of science. I don’t abhor Sigmund. He is an intelligent fool, I believe. What I detest are people telling me that I am a psychiatric aberration, a mutated specie deviant from the standards of normalcy. For god’s sake, I am a human person capable of loving and being loved in return. I have emotions too. You have to respect that fact.

What I also loathe are people telling me that I choose people older than me because of my great need of a paternal figure. This is my answer; I have a strong knit family and my parents have molded me to become the best person that I could possibly be. I have exceptional mother- and father-figures. I do not need another father, I already have one, and he is JUST PERFECT. What I need is somebody who will love me wholeheartedly despite the age differences. Didn’t we all believe that in love, age doesn’t matter? Believe me, it does not.

Returning to the original question; why am I really attracted, lustful, engrossed, and happy with guys older than me? This is the answer; because when I really love someone, I love that person in his totality. I don’t take into account his age, appearance, state, condition or position in the social strata. They are immaterial, irrelevant, and of no importance. Only superficial people operate those stupidities in precision.

I had previous relationships with younger men too. They are just as substantial and significant as the relationships I had with older men. All relationships are significant believe me. No matter how trivial or colossal they might have been, they are to be treated with respect and importance. People tend to overlook on that part. Probably it is because they are deluded with the fact that their relationship is the “perfect” one, or it is because they are too afraid to commit into one that they spend their miserable lives critiquing others, or they are just pathetic and useless trash nobody would ever dare to love.

In all its essence, loving someone unconditionally is the ultimate test of humility. It is in loving that we completely let our guards down, and we accept our loved ones despite their flaws and imperfections. We look beyond the physical and we delve into the realms of the unknown. We close our eyes to each other’s differences and opens them later to reveal that you are not different after all, just unique and inimitable. It is the mystery of love—you do not study to learn, you just do.

P.S. I’d love to extend my heartfelt gratitude to my very good friends iko lai and demiguin for visiting. My sincerest apologies for all the grammatical errors, I don’t have someone to proofread my chronicles yet. Keep on loving folks. My earnest wishes are with you.

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