The End of an Era.

Once upon a time, there was a young man who believed that true love would come his way. He waited for the Right One to come only to get disappointed and frustrated in the end. He gambled everything he had just to find his true happiness, only to have his heart get wounded in the way. All the optimism faded into dust. He grew restless and desperate, lonely and forgotten.

He is losing hope. But the desperation turned into delight when he finally met the man of his dreams. He is perfect, perhaps, too good to be true. In his mind, he believed that a flawless person like him would never love an insignificant person like himself. But he was wrong. The more he fell in love with him. Notwithstanding the risk of getting hurt again, he decided to entrust his heart to this wonderful man.

They lived a perfect life. They shared a love that is all consuming, all compelling, unconditional, a needy kind of love. He told himself, “I don’t know if it will last but for now, he makes me feel like I can do anything I ever dreamed.” Their love is palpable, strong and unfaltering. But never in their minds they knew that the end is yet to come.

Then suddenly, his lover left him. He was shattered into gazillion pieces. He knew he could never be whole again. Not for now, and perhaps, it never will.

But he didn’t close his heart. He kept it wide open. Eagerly anticipating for the moment their love will lead him back again.

Now he was astray, lost, forgotten. Mending a life that is entirely full of holes. Will he finally get to savor his much-deserved happiness?

The story is mine to finish.

The Chronicles of Love

The following letters are my personal correspondence to my three special friends whose comments appear on the previously posted article "The Unwanted Ghosts of my Unforgotten Past."

to ree.
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when i learned the fact that we both have our significant others abroad and we are fighting to keep our relationships strong, i couldn't help but feel elated with the knowledge that someone in this universe shares with my sentiments and empathizes with me sincerely and genuinely (like you do).

at first i though that my bf (in NY) is my great true love but im finding it hard sustaining a relationship with someone i am not physically together with. its as if im missing his presence—the intimacy, the passion, the oneness, the security it brings, im not quite sure. but his very presence reminds me of his pure and unconditional love. like your bf, he had remained sincere and loyal to me and to our relationship. we still communicate substantially and we have remained faithful to one another. i guess its because we are both willing to fight for our relationship that we decided to make sacrifices and to hang and hold on. and like you, distance isn’t even a question.

im very happy with where your relationship is going. i hope that through our consensual efforts, we can be like you—strong, steadfast, dedicated. marco is strong and i know that we will make it as long as our love is able.

and as i always say, i will wait for him forever… as the sun stood still.
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to hashi.
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Thanks my dear friend visiting my precious little site. =)

I personally commend you my friend for the 11 months you wholeheartedly spent with your LD-significant other. In all fairness, that was long compared to my month-long ramblings and whimpering on whether I should pursue my relationship with Marco or not. In all honesty, I have no problems with LD relationships, and as I have said in my chronicles, I am very much willing to give it a try. But the thing I fear most is the lack of reassurance. Its not that I worry whether he will stay loyal with me, or I to him, it’s the outcome that I fear of. I’m afraid of the unknown, of the future, or where our relationship is heading. It’s just complicated… and fearful in my part.

I don’t want to simply end the relationship I nurtured and cultivated from the very beginning. I really, really love my Marco. And I am willing to sacrifice more. It’s hard for me living a life that is away from him physically. He had showered me with so much love when he was still here, and I became dependent on that love and belongingness. As Maslow said, I couldn’t have reached my full potential without him fulfilling my love, security, safety and belongingness needs. He had became a part of my life. And as crazy as it may sound, I felt extremely estranged even with myself with his leaving.

I hope I can be whole again. I’m fighting hashi. I’m still fighting.
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to bernadette.
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Thanks Bernadette. I feel happy with the fact that you are always present to support me and love me and empathize with me no matter how unpredictable, crazy, and messy my life have become. =)

I couldn’t help but agree with you my friend. It’s my first long-distance relationship ever that’s why I’m apprehensive and worried and afraid of everything that comes along with it. When I think of the many people who are looking for love, I couldn’t help but feel more happy and contented with my (past and present) relationship with Marco. And when I feel lonely and alone, a simple though of him or a short conversation with him is like a balm to the hurt. And suddenly it’s not that bad at all.

In love, there has to be sacrifices we have to endure. His leaving had become the hardest one yet, so is maintaining this LD relationship. I have psychologically prepared myself for this kind of test, and my mind had conditioned my heart to feel ready and primed for this emotional ride. But I was wrong. The more I became weak and unprepared. When he left, I was shattered into pieces. Only Marco can make me complete and whole again. But his leaving never broke my spirit. And it is telling me to fight for this relationship as long as my mind and heart can.

At present, I don’t have any plans of going to NY to be with him yet. Only time can tell. And fate. But I’m not altogether hopeless and forlorn. I have all the love in the world to give. And that belongs to my TRUE SIGNIFICANT OTHER in New York.


PS. Thanks for the unending support. Your words of advice had fueled my life with the precious warmth I needed to survive. I am very much indebted. I am indebted.

The Unwanted Ghosts of my Unforgotten Past

The beginning of the rainy season brings to mind many a vivid memories of my past, including those that are consciously forgotten and those that are subconsciously repressed. I have adored the rain for its great power of cleansing and healing all the physical and emotional scars that bear witness to my failures as a person and as a lover. The changing of the seasons signifies the indefatigable cycle of life, growth, development and metamorphosis — with the inevitable fact that it is certain and unavoidable. It is a test of humility, acceptance and endurance—and it is up to us to discover that it is in change that we realize our fuller potentials as individuals.

It had been days since my boyfriend Marco had left me. Though we did not necessarily lost contact with each other, he had called me a couple of times (on our 7th monthsary and at my 19th birthday [NY time]); and for me the simple reassuring words of “I Love You,” and “Let’s Fight for this Relationship,” is like a balm to the hurt.

I opened up with my closest friends. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in this relationship I tend on keeping. I’m even more proud of myself with the fact that I was able to gather more strength to fuel the warmth of our relationship.

Some of my friends have said to forget about it. Few of them said to fight for it. Most people are against long distance relationships and I wonder about that. This is a first experience for me that's why I’m all optimistic about it. But I believe that relationships are valuable, are hard to find, so when and if you find the one that seems perfect for you why not pursue it. Get through the obstacles cause in the end its the relationship that's going to make you happy and everything else wouldn't matter.

There are some sacrifices/compromises that can be made to make it work; it just depends on the strength of the relationship. And I’m very much willing to make one.

One of my close friends texted me and asked me about the complexity our relationship is experiencing. I told her that we are in an “Open-Dating” set-up—meaning, we can date new men as long as we like, on the condition that we must inform each other of our personal decisions. It is typical of some homosexual relationships—more on like “I’ve found a new lover, kindly let go of me”-type and “Be happy for me and thanks for the love”-type. My friend couldn’t help but feel more and more confused. We started a text debacle and ended up with her advice of:

“Let go of him R***. It only means to say that there’s someone better waiting for you =). I’ll always be praying for your happiness.”

I’m left with the ambivalent feeling of relief and confusion. Is she right? Is it much better for me to move on and let go of him? Or should I fight for this relationship with all of my strength?

I’m left with a thousand puzzling questions unanswerable even by the most intelligent man on this planet.

One thing I just learned, I longed for my much-needed closure with my significant other.

But another thing I just learned, closure isn't something that you're always given...

A friend suggested that I should disregard and burn all the things that remind me of him. But I know it isn’t possible. Marco’s presence is everywhere in my life… He is in the watch I wear everyday in school. He is in my clothes that I wore during our dates and rendezvous. He is in the scent of the perfume that we bought together. He is in my mind, my thoughts, and my consciousness. How could I possible let go of someone who have fueled my life and made meaning to my existence?

Then I had a thought, he is a part of my life and will forever be. But had he become the ghost that I feared and dreaded when he left me here alone?

A sage once said that we must confront our own ghost, acknowledge its presence, then release it. In my life, I am definitely haunted by the ghosts of my relationships past. Old lovers, ex-boyfriends, anyone I had unresolved issues with I am bound to run into again and again until I fully resolve them. My relationship with Marco was dead for quite some time but as I go on with my personal life, he had inevitably become a presence in my life for good. And he had been there all along. Like the scent, the gifts, the memories I could never bring myself to forgot.

“When a relationship dies, do we ever really give up the ghost? Or are we forever haunted by the spirits of the relationship past?”

Just last week, I accidentally bumped into my ex-boyfriend in a mall at Makati. He confronted me and told me harsh, hurtful words that struck my heart like daggers. His messages reverberate indifference and coldness but his actions told otherwise.

Though I’ve become hurt and wounded when our relationship failed, I can feel that he was still suffering from the pains he incurred when our relationship died. His anger and disappointment is palpable. I can feel that he’s still fighting to hold on to me as long as his capacities can. My mind told me to forget everything about him, but my heart is telling me to give him another chance. We didn’t have a proper break-up. The hurtful messages are unintentional, I believe. I had forgiven him. And he had forgiven me too.

I can’t understand myself. My heart tells me to fight for my relationship with Marco but the sudden presence of my ex-BFs suggests my heart to have some serious considerations. I’m back to the ride in my emotional rollercoaster again. The messages my ex-BF is sending me at present shook my heart for reconsideration, but can I wholeheartedly let go of the man who makes my heart beat anyway?
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I had confronted my ghost. I had accepted and released him. But now I was more haunted than ever. Because what I felt all along was no ghost… it was real.

"Last Night I Heard the Screaming..."

I was browsing the Sunday paper off our porch when I came upon this article with the same title as above written by the superb writer/advocate Bum Tenorio Jr. As I conscientiously read the article, I was surprised to find out that it dealt about domestic violence present among homosexual couples. I was immediately engrossed and enthralled, not only because of my affirmative interest about the topic, but because I (probably) had become a victim of one in my past.

To quote from Bum Tenorio’s article:

“Not many are in the know—or perhaps they are just unmindful and insensitive or simply oblivious—to the fact that domestic violence is NOT just a crime affecting heterosexual couples. The structure and dynamics of homosexual couples are ALSO SIMILAR to the abuses that take place in heterosexual relationship. After all, VIOLENCE IS NOT JUST ABOUT ANGER. It’s about POWER and CONTROL.

“Unlike women, however, who can report cases of domestic abuse to many a women center all over the country, gay and lesbian victims in the Philippines normally do not seek help not because they are ashamed of their plight but because they think there isn’t any help available to them. More often than not, gay people lodge their complaints in the barangay. Many times, the buck stops there.
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“Homophobia truly compounds the problems faced by gay and lesbian victims of domestic violence. The rest of the society may not admit it but I still believe that homophobia — the society’s fear and hatred towards gay and leasbians — is a contributory factor to the difficulties and complexities faced by battered homosexuals. Though there is much tolerance now, the persistent and palpable societal homophobia leads to isolation of the victims, therefore contributing to the violence they undergo.
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“It is always, always unjust and unwarranted to hear heterosexuals saying that a gay couple’s main function for coupling is because of SEX. Look closely here, the configuration of gay and lesbian relationship mirrors that of their male-female counterparts. Unions between two gays or lesbians stream from far more than the desire to have a steady copulating partner. LIKE THE HETEROSEXUALS’ SEARCH FOR A LOVER, HOMOSEXUALS ALSO LOOK FOR LOVE AND LOYALTY, DEVOTION AND DEDICATION, FRIENDSHIP AND FIDELITY, COMMITMENT AND COMPANIONSHIP IN THEIR PARTNER. The many parallels and similarities between a man-woman relationship and man-man or woman-woman relationship make homosexual domestic violence equally alarming as that of the heterosexual’s… Only, there are no 24-hour crisis hotlines or emergency shelters that solely cater to domestic violence in same-sex affair.”


Its extremely gratifying to realize that there are people who still speak out for the oppressed, the exploited and the voiceless in the society. I have personally heard some first-hand accounts on domestic violence among my homosexual friends and it is even widely depicted on our television screens (think Six Feet Under and Nip/Tuck). Why does our homophobic society still thinks of homosexual relationships as subhuman? Is this the impression they want to imprint on the minds and hearts of our youth? That relationships involving same-sex couples are dehumanizing, irrational and absurd?

Lately I’ve got to thinking that domestic violence among homosexual and heterosexual partners does not only involve physical assault or battery, but mostly of the emotional repercussions of every act of violence. The pain of a hurtful blow might subside after weeks but wounding words is even more painful, agonizing, and unbearable for one. Every hurtful word said is an act of violence in itself. No matter how subtle the hurt is, damages will still be done either knowingly or unknowingly inferred.

And then I realized how I had been a victim of one. Like many homosexual people in a relationship, we all had experienced the pain and the hurts of domestic violence in the emotional aspect. Hurtful words are said, so are the consequences and the repercussions. Time might heal all of the corporeal wounds, but the emotional ramifications are much more deafening. And no amount of balm can successfully cure the wounds.

We all had been to several hardships in our relationships, and whether they survived or failed, enduring all the pains is an inevitable reality. Like Agent Clarice Starling in the Silence of the Lambs, we all woke up in the middle of the night to hear the screaming of the lambs, our personal pains, our burdens, our fears, and all we can do is ask:

When will the screaming ever stop?


PS. Kudos to Mr. Bum Tenorio Jr. for his article entitled “Last Night I Heard the Screaming.” I’m encouraging everyone to obtain a copy of June 12, 2005’s edition of The Philippine Star where the original article is published.

A Glimpse of Paradise

I was awaken with the incessant toot-toot-ing of my cell phone, not my alarm clock, with the soft plopping of raindrops falling under the sky and dropping into our roof. I was so pre-occupied with my Marco-obsessions, my ex-boyfriend’s hate messages (which he texted me just last evening), and my compulsion to finish the last chapters of Angels & Demons, that I almost completely forgotten my OWN BIRTHDAY!!! Thank Heavens, a lot of people in my inbox genuinely reminded me of what I was just naïvely missing.

YES, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY. I’M OFFICIALLY 19.

I turned on the television and despicably saw Reuben Studdard singing the “Don’t You Remember You Told Me You Love Me Baby”-song in the Oprah Winfrey Show. Appalled and dismayed, I turned the dial to contemptibly see Nina in MTV singing “I Don’t Wanna Be Your Friend.” Completely aghast, I shifted to ETC to see the host of The Today Show cooking fricassee. Thank God there are still channels on earth not reminding me of all my love tragedies. I immediately felt relieved. You have no idea. This is my special day! I deserve to be happy. I don’t need Reuben and Nina and the likes telling me such bullshits on love! I’m implementing egotism today. Not my boyfriend sentiments nor my ex-boyfriends whining can change my frame of mind. THIS IS MY DAY!!

I got to thinking of my very best friend (yihee) Demiguin who I’ve just met yesterday and her fabulous gift I proudly displayed here in my room. It is a fabulous graffiti shirt with the inspiring message: “IF YOU THINK SEX IS A PAIN IN THE ASS, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!” This is the most memorable gift I’ve received yet from a very very good friend. After our lunch yesterday, we went to iko lai’s pod and watch the provocative breakthrough film Y Tu Mama Tambien to the realization that friendship, like life, transforms and evolves and breaks barriers and conventions, and ultimately endures despite all the pains, the sorrows, and all the betrayals.

Suddenly it dawned on me. I’M IN DESPERATE NEED OF CLOSURE.

According to my most loved author May Luna Sy, “Closure began as a clinical term used by mental health professionals to define a stage in traumatic grief where one is able to reinvest in life, where living is not to be endured, but cherished.

“Closure is being able to put an end to something. For example, you stop pining for the guy who got away. You stop thinking about what might have been. You stop blaming yourself for making the wrong decision or worse, for not making a decision.

“But before you achieve closure, you have to go through a lot of grief, pain, confusion, gallons of ice cream or even a handful of lovers.”

Then I realize that I haven’t had closure with all of my past boyfriends. Some of them still have the grudges and the bitterness towards me. This fact makes me uneasy and perturbed. I couldn’t stand the reality that somewhere in the universe, someone close or who used to be close to my heart is still suffering from the remnants of our failed relationship. While I’m sincerely happy at present, I can’t help but commiserate with their sympathy. Sometimes, loving is about letting go sans all the loathing and repugnance. There are still times when my heart still aches because I’ve never let go completely but I know that I’ve done my fair share. I’m sincerely hoping they will… too.

But now I have a choice. This is my DAY. I could drown myself with the infinite ramblings of all of the mistakes and imperfections of all of my past relationships or I can give myself my much-needed closure as my birthday present. I’ll choose the latter. I have spent my entire life living with the joys, pains and heartaches of all of my failed relationships. Today, I am giving myself the rest I so badly needed. This ain’t too much to ask. I am just giving my heart a break. This will be the time to pause and smell the roses. And hopefully, the sun will soon shine.

The rain still shows its fury but it is still a beautiful world. I have my very loving family, my extremely fabulous friends, my loving boyfriend in NY, and all of the wonderful people I have met in my lifetime. What else could I possibly ask for more? I have had my much-longed peace of mind—and this is my glimpse of paradise.

As The Sun Stood Still

The most painful thing a person involved in a relationship cannot possibly endure is the scene where you have to watch your Significant Other (S.O.) walk past you and leave you alone, and you have no choice but to let go of your S.O. wholeheartedly and unconditionally.

Oh Lord… why me?

It is official. My boyfriend had left the country as of Sunday (5th of June). He had left me… alone, shattered, desolate and devastated. There are absolutely no words that can describe what I’m feeling at present. God I feel so alone. The loneliness within me is palpable. I’m so broken.

Marco had been my boyfriend for seven months now. He had been my strength, my happiness, my world, my life and my soul. My whole life revolved around him. He showed me how to love unconditionally and how to be strong despite the obstacles the world is throwing us. He loved me unreservedly. I loved him so much. And I still do.

All these times, I believed that he was my soul mate, an idea that I did not patronize at first. But Marco made me believe that the random circumstance of acquaintance that made us one and together is pre-destined, written in the stars. But as stars exists, I never knew that the flame, no matter how strong, can be instantaneously extinguished in short span of time.

I found it extremely paradoxical that his date of flight landed one day short of our monthsary. It is the 6th of November when we officially become life-partners. And it is 5th of June that he left me. Is it a premonition that our relationship might not make any future progress? Is it just a random chance of circumstance? Is it a sign telling me to just move on and let go? Or to hold on and fight for this relationship as far as my faculties can reach?

In all of my past relationships, I had been tested just the same. People came into my life. They became my life. And they go. They leave me, with the fact that unknowingly, they take a part of me with their leaving. I’m left incomplete. And I will never be whole again. Relationships are investments. You gain some, yet you lose everything. And no matter how you try to gain them back again, things will never be the same. You will never be the same.

If there’s one consolation that my relationship with Marco had made me happy despite all of my pains, it is the fact that he loved me unconditionally in the face of my imperfections. FROM THE VERY BEGINNING, I FELT LOVED, RESPECTED AND CHERISHED. It is completely fortunate for an imperfect person like me to be loved by a perfect person like him. Despite my failures, he accepted me wholeheartedly; he treats me with regard and importance; HE INSPIRED ME TO LOVE MORE, TO GIVE MORE, TO TRUST MORE; he taught me how to trust unconditionally. He is my friend, my lover, my heart and my soul. He is, and will forever be THE GREATEST PERSON I LOVED with all of my heart, my mind, and my soul. And as cliché as it may sound, in my existence, I know I will never, ever love this way again.

Yesterday, after our final night together, we spent our last brunch at Intercon prior to their flight at NAIA. The luggages were prepared beforehand, and we were at the airport as early as 2:30pm. We had our final snacks and the next minutes of my life seemed like forever. The rain fell as if the heavens is sharing my grief and sorrow. I cannot help but cry. I definitely cannot fight my emotions anymore. I am human. I am weak. Yet Marco remained strong all throughout these days. He had been the epitome of real strength. He cannot afford to be weak. Else, I will feel more vulnerable before I crumble and break down. It is one of the things I admired about him—he is steadfast, unfaltering, and strong. And I still remained as the usual weakling—fragile, feeble, breakable.

But his steadfast strength made me realize that I can become stronger than what I had been. HE MADE ME BELIEVE THAT I CAN DO THINGS AS LONG AS LOVE IS ABLE. As long as I place my unwavering trust in our relationship, I know I can do better. And despite the distance barriers, I know that there is still one person on this universe who will still love and respect me unconditionally—and that person will always be my MARCO.

As I look back, Sex and the City’s ™ Carrie’s words reverberates in my brain;

“I got to thinking about FATE. That crazy concept that we are not responsible for the course of our life takes, that is all predestined, written in the STARS. Maybe that explains why, if you live in the city where you can’t even see the stars, your love life tends to feel a little more RANDOM. Even if our every man, every kiss, every heartache is preordered from some cosmic catalog, can we still make the wrong step and wander off our own personal milky WAY? I couldn’t help but wonder, CAN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE AND MISS YOUR FATE?

“Maybe our mistakes are what shape our fate. If we veered into a different direction, it may lead us back. After all, seasons change; years come and go, but the ones you love, stays in your HEART.”

Perhaps it is fate, or it is our choices in life, or it is God’s will that shapes our existence in this universe. There are still times when my heart aches, longing for my Marco, needing his presence, but in my heart I know I will be fine. There are storms people can’t simply avoid. The winds are strong but our love is stronger. As I look outside my window and savor the raindrops and the rays of the sun, I will forever remember my Marco. We will make it. I know we will.

As the snow falls on Marco’s cheeks along the crowded streets of New York, I know that our love will forever keep us warm. Our love is stronger than the blazing hearth, it is inextinguishable, it is forever, endless, infinite. The snow and the storm might not stop at least for the moment, but the eternal sun is just standing by… waiting for its rightly return.

And I will wait for him… as the sun stood still.


PS. We are in deep gratitude to all of you for all the prayers and the kindest words of support and encouragement. We will be fine. We appreciate the sympathy and your sincerest kindness. We are forever indebted.

The End of the Storm

Despite the utmost comfort sleeping beside my boyfriend in this personal suite in Hotel Intercontinental (Makati) in a 200-count Egyptian cotton sheets, I was awaken with this extremely vague feeling of apprehending doom. I was shaken to the core. It felt as if an impending danger is imminent, the fear within me is palpable, and I was in intense anxiety. And God knows, I just hate this feeling.

Today was my boyfriend’s last day in the country. Last Friday (June 3), we, together with his family, spent the afternoon (lunch) in TGMs, just outside of the hotel we are staying. And yes, his family invited me to become a part (of their family) in their last days in the country. I reciprocated the huge privilege by practically involving myself in every activities they planned prior to their departure. It was some sort of a bitter acceptance to the things that I simply cannot obviate.

At that same day, Juan Marco asked me to accompany him to Cartier (in Ayala). He was planning to purchase some presents for his cousins, he told me. I proposed that we should go to Charriol instead, but despite my insinuations, he said that he already had his reservations there. When we arrived at the store, he told me that he was really planning to give me a present for my birthday to which sadly, by that time, he’s already gone. He presented me an exquisite Cartier watch (in mother-of-pearl dial and set with 26 jewels). My God, this is too much to ask. I wasn’t really expecting for this kind of surprise. I’m stunned by his thoughtfulness. He had pre-paid the watch and I was left with no choice but to accept it. In turn, I bought him a bi-dialed watch (exceeding my credit limit) to remind him that no matter distance and time barriers are at hand, my heart will always be waiting for his return.

Yesterday (June 4) was their despedida party (also at Hotel Intercontinental). It was a purely family event (plus me), and it was just a bittersweet moment. The champagne overflowed mixing with the tears. In my heart, it is absolutely painful watching occasions like this. I was emotionally drained. It seemed as if my heart was shattered into pieces and no matter how I organize them back, a substantial part will be forever gone. I suddenly felt alone and desolate. Despite all the consolation and solace, I still couldn’t help but feel abandoned and cry.

We spent our last dinner together in Le Soufflé. And we had our (drumroll please) final night at our suite in Intercon. We had the night together alongside red wine and flambeau. It was my perfect night ever. Despite the pains I’ve been keeping for the past few days, I just couldn’t help but feel glad, for things will finally be fine. His presence fueled my existence. We breathe the same air. Our hearts beat in unison. We are perfect. It is just wrong to break us apart. God I’m so alone.

Yet on the other hand, I feel extremely contented. Genuinely happy for the seven fabulous months of our relationship. It might be not that long, but it was extremely substantial. Why am I bickering with anguish and sorrow when I can rejoice and celebrate for the very good times that we spent together? I am fortunate that I met a good man in the midst of all aridity and disappointments that happened in my life. The time we spent together is nothing but a genuine testament of our true love. Suddenly, it was not that bad at all. The looming challenge is just another chapter in the chronicle of our lives.

Call it ambivalence, but sometimes I can’t help but feel lonely and happy, and satisfied and longing all at the same time. The flurry of emotions is tremendous and I’m left with no choice but to keep myself whole and unshattered despite all forces riveting my sanity. The clock at our room reads early morning and it is still dark outside. The scanty downpour of raindrops falls simultaneously with the tears overflowing down my eyes into my cheeks. He is yet sleeping, he has to prepare for the long road ahead. May the rain cleanse my fear and hurts. Wash my doubts and uncertainties. Purify my soul. Renew my spirit. Fill me with strength. May your strength permeates me with vigor. Heal me…

In hours or so, the sun will soon rise. And perhaps, the storm will soon be over.


PS. I’ll be crawling back to our bed. God really knows how to answer prayers. I am in deep gratitude to all who prayed for us. My appreciation to all of you who reads my blog.

Thanks to Intercon’s Wi-Fi and laptop privileges for without it, this blog will not become possible.