The Scientist

I have a thing for chain mails. Like pubic lice, syphilis and ex-boyfriends, they come and leave, and simply won’t go away. No matter how much you trash, scrap or delete them, it’s as if, by some karmic reincarnation, they do come back, bigger, brighter, nastier, and much more believable than ever. The gullible/innocent/innocuous reader, in order to shun away death of a family member, love tragedies, certain disease unbeknownst to many, and bad luck, is then forced against his/her will to click the forward button, hence, the cyclic metamorphosis.

Reading some of them could be helpful, but most of them are traumatizing at times. There was a time when all I ate was orchid soup because a mail said that rice, shrimp, fish, meat, fastfood burgers, noodles, barbecue, soda, and water could kill you without you knowing it.

In line of my Unbearable Lightness, I have listed some chain mail myths in this post and tried, to the best of my ability, to elucidate the bare truth from just plain lies. Ready? Ready!


Premise: Bill Gates is sharing with you his fortunes.

Story: Forwarding an e-mail that originated from AOL/Microsoft will guarantee you—the susceptible reader— immeasurable riches. To prove this, Paul, Andrea’s third cousin and Mitch’s half-brother, from which Brian worked as a networking agent, who happened to be Reese’s ex-BF and Melinda’s estranged husband, received 1/10^th of Bill Gates’ fortune and is now swimming in money. Remember, you are tracked!



The Truth: Unless you belong to the Gates’ clan, you will never, ever, even in your wildest dreams, inherit a single dollar from Bill. This hoax had been circulating in the Net since 1997, only the name of the companies and the rewards changing periodically, but the premise is still the same: lure gullible e-mail addicts to send spam mails in the promise of material reward.


Premise: Drinking soda directly from cans contaminated with rat urine could kill.

Story: A woman who went boating in Texas/Belgium drank from a can of soda she stored at the refrigerator on her boat. The day after, she was taken into the ICU, and two days later she died. Autopsy revealed that she died from a bacterial infection, and the soda can from which she had drunk (she didn’t use a glass), is teeming with microorganisms, the source of which is from rat’s urine.



The Truth: The source of the story is indeterminable but the pathogenesis is plausible: and the disease, as we know, is leptospirosis. When secretions from rats, swine, cats, and cattle infected with leptospires comes in contact with abraded skin or mucous membrane, the bacteria invades the host and produces the disease. Knowing how soda cans are stockpiled in this country, and the prevalence of rodents elsewhere, the possibility of rats peeing in soda cans is very likely, hence, the compulsory use of glasses and straw.


Premise: Eating sushi will cause your brain to become infected with maggots.

Story: A certain Japanese glutton is very fond of devouring tonloads of raw fishes like there’s no tomorrow. He experienced severe throbbing headache, went to the doctor, maggots are found in his scalp, and he underwent surgery. The alleged picture is shown below (may be a bit graphic: to view actual size image, open link in a new window).

The Truth: Ingesting raw, undercooked or improperly-prepared fish bearing tapeworms could indeed cause a parasitic infestation known as diphyllobothriasis. I know this one as I reported this case in my Microbiology and Parasitology class. This is a true disease; however, no medical literature supports fish-tapeworm brain infestation. Therefore, it is a hoax.


Premise: Amanda Bundy, a 6 y/o child, and Amy Bruce, a 7 y/o child are both dying of cancer, prayers and chain mails needed, respectively.

Story: A chain e-mail, circulating since 1998, states a certain Amanda Bundy, a 6 y/o child dying of a malignant type of brain tumor that has spread to her chest and abdomen. A family friend was asking for prayers. Amy Bruce, on the other hand, has the same predicament, only funner. She was even able to pen a poem entitled “Slow Dance” (…life is a race, so take it slower, hear the music before your song is over) and a $3 contribution will be donated by the American Cancer Society for every e-mail forwarded.



The Truth: Ready for this one? Amanda Bundy is a real, genuine, true, authentic, bona fide cancer patient. The caveat: she had already recovered from that cancer, yup, ever since 1998. Prayers really work eh? So stop forwarding that message anymore.

Amy Bruce, just like Baby Natalie, Arlington, BlahBlah, and Woohoo, is a complete hoax. American Cancer Society, AOL, ZDNet, NY Hospital, Kapuso Foundation and even Honda Motors, will not give that imaginary child a single penny. And that “Slow Dance” poem, not her work! It was a masterpiece by David Weatherford, a child psychologist. You can read his works here.


Premise: Eating noodles kill, celebrities included.

Story: A student in UK with 2 years fetish for cup noodles died as the wax lining in cup noodles accumulated in the poor man’s stomach and coated his gut onto innumerable waxy layers. A celebrity in the Philippines, on the other hand, was said to have eaten cup noodles the night before his unanticipated death, the purported cause of the demise.



The Truth:

The UK guy: Cup noodles (plastic, Styrofoam, tetra) are not lined with wax, nor are the noodle themselves. The containers are made to withstand excessive heat and are in no way, covered with a waxy lining. This story is a hoax. In my expert medical opinion, the guy either died from (1) pancreatitis or (2) malnutrition.

The Filipino celebrity: The cause of death of this guy is a well-kept secret among their clan. However, my sense of logic and deduction told me otherwise. This celebrity died from… tadaa… Sudden Unexpected Death Syndrome also known as bangungot in vernacular, which may either be an Acute Hemorrhagic Pancreatitis or Brugada Syndrome in medicalese.



Pancreatitis happens when your digestive juices autodigest your pancreas causing shock, massive internal bleeding and death, and it is usually due to alcoholism, while Brugada Syndrome is a lethal arrhythmia (fatal heartbeats) common among Asians, the etiology is unknown but is said to be due to a genetic heart defect. Therefore, not noodles, but alcohol and a heart disease killed the young matinee idol.

Implications: do not sleep drunk, have a routine ECG, no noodles at bedtime please, and one serving of noodle is enough (it expands in the stomach you know).

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Rule of thumb: Any e-mail message that starts out by telling you that it isn't a chain letter most likely is. And oh, this isn’t a chain letter, by the way. Kindly send this post to 2,978 of your friends or your head will explode.

You don’t want to believe me? A certain Dudong from Naypyidaw, after reading this entry without posting a comment suddenly developed a terrible headache. After a while, his head exploded. While a certain reader named “Insert Your Name Here” immediately posted a comment here and was blessed with countless riches, an uber-gorgeous partner, and a body to die for. Wink!

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Thanks kiks for the suggestions. Images from Wikipedia, Flickr and Geocities.